what do you do when you get the splash?

So many have argued about how to handle it and many have come up with various ways to go about tackling the issue. The issue has been about how to tell your partner that her breath smells like expired yoghurt or a condition medical practitioners like to call Halitosis. Some have suggested you come out straight, look your partner squarely in the eyes and solemnly declare, “You have a dragon’s breath!” That doesn’t really sound like the way forward, does it?

Let us talk about that another time shall we? Permit me to interrupt our regular transmission to bring this incident to your attention. What I am about to share with you happened to me recently and I just really need your opinion.

Halitosis aside, there is another mouth condition that is not peculiar to anyone in particular and so cannot be classified as a disorder or disease. It is something that happens more like an accident and is capable of causing a considerable level of embarrassment to anybody, regardless of your age, status or gender. I know you’re wondering what it is already. Don’t worry; I’ll get to it in a bit.

The other day at work, I was chatting with a few of my colleagues at work when it happened. We were having a funny discussion that got everyone laughing very hard. A female colleague walked up and was trying to explain some things to me. This happened to be one of the fine girls in office so I gave her full attention with a sheepish smile on my face. Everything was going on fine until the splash hit me. What I’m trying to say is that a splash of liquid flew from somewhere in the direction of my face and landed on top of my flat nose. It had the smell of spoilt egg and the burning effect of molten magma from a volcano. When my sense of smell eventually figured it out, it turned out to be saliva! At first, I refused to believe it came from the damsel in front of me. This girl is so pretty and well-dressed that one would doubt if she ever farts or sits on a toilet bowl to do the major. Without turning my head, I rolled my eyeball to the left and to the right to ascertain whose mouth it emanated from and discovered it came from the person standing right in from of me. 16

We were outside so it was obviously not a raindrop. Everything around us paused for a moment and it felt as though the other had disappeared in an instant. At this point, she knew saliva from her mouth had mistakenly dropped on my nose like Jesus noticed virtue had left him when the woman with the issue of blood touched him. She was frozen into inaction, and didn’t know if saving me from the agony she had inflicted on me by cleaning my nose would be better than walking away quietly. I could see the embarrassment in her body language and so the thought of wiping it off myself dissipated and I was stranded and left to suffer for seconds that felt like spending two days stuck on a refuse dump. Our gist automatically grinded to a halt and the very moment she stylishly excused herself, I quickly dashed to the restroom to scrub my nose with soap and a disinfectant.

In this kind of situation, there is no right or wrong line of action and whatever one does is purely based on what your head tells you it’s appropriate at the instant. Your experience might not be as bad as mine, but it’s a good thing I am giving you a heads up on it. So, what would you do when you get the splash?

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