Many people view marital relationships as the best part of life. However, being single has allowed me experience life without being subjected to the financial and emotional pressures of supporting and maintaining a marital relationship. I am using these times to grow and evolve beyond the realms of being consumed and caged by societal expectations. In fact, my single years have been the most productive and liberating time of my life thus far. I am appalled by the way a lot of people reluctantly wear their single’s badge- you’d think it is something to be escaped and avoided at all costs. Being single could be the most magical time of your life. Here’s why;
Being single affords me a unique opportunity to really find out who I am – the good, the bad and the ugly are all laid bare as I pay close attention. I have come to terms with my strengths, weaknesses, fears and insecurities. It’s a phase to embrace the solitude and vow to learn and uncover a lot about you. I am learning how to tackle issues rather than bottle them up. I have learnt that many potentially great relationships are ruined because we carry much unresolved baggage from one relationship to the next. Being single is about finding out why you act the way you do and then working hard to iron out the creases.
Being single used to mean nobody wanted me. But now it means I am pretty good-looking and taking my time to discover how God wants my life to be and who I want to spend it with. I have seen too many people with dreams and ambitions who fell into unhappy relationships and I am not ready to join the statistics. Maybe they felt obligated to assume new responsibilities which they never wanted or expected. There’s something deeply tragic about this. Please don’t get me wrong, there is nobility in living for others and putting their needs before yours. There are times when this is absolutely necessary and the right thing to do. But wouldn’t you want your children to blaze their own trail and live their dream? So what’s your excuse?! Like me, use this time to pursue your passions whether they come with monetary rewards or not. Immerse yourself in the process because you will never be truly happy unless you find and love what you do.
Being single has allowed me to develop skills and talents I didn’t even know I had. It has allowed me learn how to do things independently and cope with change. I am learning that creating the life you desire is a journey and the reward for a journey of self-discovery is a new-found confidence and sense of contentment. Your choices, options and freedoms are limitless. Having the confidence to really seize these opportunities means you’ll get to live and enjoy the life you want.
A journey of self-discovery requires that you explore different cultures, beliefs and ways of life. It is about acquiring knowledge and gaining wisdom. Since I am accountable only to myself in a way, I have a unique opportunity to go wherever my heart takes me. My hunger to learn with my curious spirit is serving me well. I have read new books I wouldn’t normally have, revisited the classics and broadened my horizons with new genres of literature. I travel far and wide, soak up new experiences, and absorb the smells, sights, sounds of foreign lands with their exotic cuisines. I am committed to squeezing every last drop from life and being single has proven to be utterly exhilarating.
When you’re in a relationship, you tend to put someone else’s needs before yours. You no longer always come first. But being single has made me selfish for all the right reasons. With an urge to travel, I hop on the next flight. When I want breakfast in bed, a long leisurely morning walk, followed by an afternoon swim and dinner at midnight? I do them. By being single, you get to immerse yourself in the vital process of actually doing things and making the rules as you go along. There are no limitations. There is nothing holding you back apart from your own fears. Isn’t it about time you addressed them?
You simply cannot give the pure unadulterated love you’re capable of if you’re shackled by low self-esteem and regret. I believe finding the true me and evolving into what I was meant to become means that those who enter my life will be enriched by the experience. You will be present and make the most of every moment unmasked. I always tell myself that those who are able to love themselves effortlessly create happy and fulfilling lives.
Would their lives be better and more enriched if shared with a partner? It depends- it could be a yes and sometimes no. If you’re not yet feeling content with your life choices, and don’t know where you’re heading, I suggest it’s time to put the search for your perfect soul-mate on hold until you start to experience that inner peace and tranquility.
Having said all these, am I good at being single? Not quite because I still have much to learn, the clock is ticking and I don’t know exactly what is around the corner. I just believe there is a joy to be found in living life to the fullest no matter what condition you are in. I want to spend my single years serving God, saving myself for marriage, and striving for contentment. I know contentment is easy to say but hard to learn. However, it is not impossible.
As you can probably tell since you’ve made it this far in this article, I don’t have all the answers. I’m not an expert at being single; I don’t have a degree in how to be alone. I am still learning this path I am on and not too sure of where it will lead. However I believe marriage is a good thing and maybe I will someday be blessed with it. But singleness isn’t bad too if the time spent is spent wisely.