BOY MEETS GIRL 2
Last week I started sharing on a train of thought about the boyfriend-girlfriend episode. I emphasize the art of practicing to be responsible either as a man or as a woman. I have been asked by people to define the boundaries of responsibilities. Who should do what? How often should I practice being responsible? How do I know I am responsible enough to have a happy marriage? And so on.
From all the questions and comments that came in, one thing I noticed was that our generation seems to like quick-fixes and a one-time medication to cure every form of ailment. The English saying ‘Rome was not built in a day’ answers this. We cannot become all that we desire to be in a single day. However, every action and inaction counts in shaping us into the person that we desire to be in order to have a healthy marriage. We must be ready to follow through with the process of growth. Please note that if you are a selfish person, you did not become selfish in a day. As a result you cannot become someone with a high sense of responsibility in a day. It is important that you become patient with yourself while you start out with conscious deliberate steps to become better. To achieve balance in life, we must realize the extreme we have swung to and move towards the centre.
When I told my wife that all I expect from her was to add to my existing happiness, I said so because as a young man who grew up moody, I have taken steps to ensure that I am a happy person. It was not easy but looking back, it was worth it. I used to depend on other people for my happiness and never really saw why anyone should be happy (especially if you were raised in Nigeria). But one day, I realized that no one is obligated to make me happy; my happiness in life is solely my responsibility. This paradigm shift was a turning point in my life. Today, no one will ever believe that I was like that. But it took time.
Every time you think in terms of another person, you are actually practicing being responsible. Although you don’t live your life based on other people’s thoughts and opinions, you are to always consider how your actions or inactions affect them. This is one sure way to practice responsibility. Thinking in terms of other people is central to enjoying a healthy marriage. If as a boss, either male or female, you do not care about how your words, attitudes or actions affect your subordinates then you will not care about that of your immediate family. Marriage only amplifies who you have become over the years. Learn to treat people well – especially those who can’t repay you. Become astute in expressing concerns about the well being of others around you. Take up a young chap as a protégé and nurture such to maturity. Pay someone’s school fees. Practice being sacrificial with finances. By all means, ensure you are not just responsible for yourself. All these simple things help you become the man or woman who is ready for the journey after the boy meets girl episode.
Next week, I will further my thoughts with you on the boy meets girl ‘movie’.